


1 




Glass JM1&H4 
Book^-S^ m- 



CLAYTON'S EDITION. 



DEAF AS A POST, 



A FAUCES, 



<3jn <®m 3Bft* 



si 0V 



Br T. POOLE, Esq. 



PRINTED FROM THE ACTING COPY, WITH STAGE 
DIRECTIONS. 



PUBLISHED BY E. B. CLAYTON, 

9 Chambers-street ; 
Aad C.fREAL, 16 s*ouih Seventh=&Ueet, 



PHILADELPHIA, 



»« 






DRAMATIS PERSONAL. 



Old Walton, Mr. Farren. 

Tristram Sappy, Mr. Hadaway. 

Captain Templeton, Mr. G. Jones. 

Crupper, (An Ostler,) Mr. Hanson. 

Gallop,.,... Mr. Waters. 

Waiters, Mr. Petty, &c. 

Sophy Walton, M iss Kent. 

Amy Templeton, , . . . • Miss Seile. 

Mrs. Plumply, Mrs. Stevenson. 

Sally Mags, ! Miss Waring. 

Scene lies at Winchester— at the Bell Inn* 

ft 9 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 



EXITS AND ENTRANCES. 

R. means Right; L. Left; F. the Flat, or Scene running 
across the bask of the Stage; D. F. Door in Flat; R. l>. 
Right Dow ; L. 0. Left Door ; S. E. Second Entrance ; U. 
E. Upper Entrance ; M. D. Middle Door. 

RELATIVE POSITIONS. 

R. means Right; L. Left; C. Centre; R. C. Right of 
Centre; L. C. Left of CenUc. 

R. KG. C. LC. L. 

* * The Reader is supposed to be on the Stage, facing the 
Audience 



1 I 



DEAF AS A POST. 



ACT 1. 

SCENE I. — Two doors in f. — A public room of 
the Bell Inn — Bar on r. — In centre a table, at 
tvhich Qld Walton and Sappy are flaying 
whist — Waiters crossing stage in front in great 
bustle. Bells ringing r. and l. 

Enter Mrs. Plumply, l. 

Mrs. P, Why John — William — Gregory — every 
waiter in attendance, and nobody to come near me, 
but Sally Mags the chambermaid. 

[Exit into Bar, r. 

Wal. The noise has put me out — We'll have done 
with cards. 

Sap. And I was nine — That's the way you al- 
ways serve me, when I'm near winning, and I don't 
like it/ 

Wal. [Rising.] Tristram, the merest trifle puts 
you out of temper. You are soon to marry my 
daughter Sophy, and it's my duty to tell you. 

Sap. It isn't your duty to tease a young man 
who is his own master, and I've no notion of being 
teased. 1 wish she and t'other young lady would 
come, tho' — It's getting late, and I don't like it. 

Wal, They can't arrive before the coach comes 
in. Your impatience is natural enough though, you 
rogue ! 

Sap. Natural! to be sure it is natural — supper 
is ordered for ten o'clock ; and if they don't come in 
time, it will be done to rags. 



4 DEAF AS A POST. [Act 1. 

Wal. Why, you are a wag, Mr. Sappy. 

Sap. Ay, to be sure I am. Why I pass for the 
cleverest fellow in all Winchester. 

Wal. Winchester, I take it, cannot be a very po- 
pulous town. 

Sap. Now, that's meant as a joke against me, 
and 1 don't like it. I tell you, they call me now, 
the wit of Winchester. . It's only since my journey 
to Lunnun tho', for before that I was no better than 
a numskull. 

Wal. Ha'! ha! ha! 

Sap. You may laugh, if you like, but I was look- 
ed on as the greatest ass in our town. But, one way 
or t'other, it cost me a mint of money to get one's 
self made sensible. — I spent no less than fifty pounds 
in three months. That set me a thinking, and thinks 
I, I've sense enough ; so I'm off, says 1, ha ! ha ! — 
Old Walton, meaning you, has promised me his 
daughter Sophy for a wife. I'll back to Winchester, 
and get ready to marry — ha! ha! Old Walton 
shall come down, and see my property, before we 
sign and seal; and—here you are— ha ! ha! ha! 

Wal. Well, really, your wit overflows. I begin to 
perceive, that my intended son-in-law is an idiot. 

[Aside. 

Enter Mrs. Plumply, from Bar, r. 

Wal. Mrs. Plumply, we shall saunter before your 
door, in expectation of the London coach ; and I'll 
be obliged if you'll have the room ready for my 
daughter and the other young lady, on their arrival. 

Mrs. P. It shall be taken care of, sir. Here, Sal- 
ly ! Sally Mags! 

Enter Sally, from Bar, r. 

Silly. Here I am, ma'am; I was just coming 
when I heard you call; and says I — I dare say, 
says I, now misses calls Sally Mags, says J. 

Mrs. P. Never mind what you said. Here's the 



Scene 1.] DEAF AS A POST. 5 

key of No. 19, and be sure you have it ready for 
the two young ladies, who will arrive presently by 
the Defiance. 

Sap. And, Mrs. Plumply, you'll come the genteel 
thing in the supper. Seven shillings a-head for four 
is a long price you know. You w T on't take any ad- 
vantage, because Pye agreed before hand ? 

Mrs. P. An advantage, sir — Sir, since I have 
been mistress of the Bell. 

Sap. No, no — only 1 mean — T say, father-in- 
law, Pve ordered supper at seven shillings per 
head. You insisted on my standing treat, and as I 
like to do things in style — only I mean, that for 
7s. a head — one ought to have summut you know 
[Addressed to Mrs. P. — then to himself.] Four 
times seven are twenty-eight ; and four glasses of 
Negus, at — Sally, you'll lay the cloth in the parlour 
next to my bed-room, because when 1 give a supper 
to a private party, I like to be private, and because I 
like — that is, because, I don't like — twenty-eight, 
and four shilling glasses of Negus, at a shilling 
each — twenty-eight and four. 

Sally. And is that all you've got to say, sir? 

Sap. Oh ! oh, no — and mind you warm my bed — 
[Counting his fingers.] — Don't forget Sally— warm 
it well with a brass warming pan. 

Sally. I'll not forget any thing while you stay 
here, sir; and when you go away, I hope your me- 
mory will prove as good as mine. 

Sap. Come, that is well said, ha! ha ! Hang me 
now, but that deserves — [Puis his hand in his 
pocket.] Come, father-in-law, let's go down for the 
coach. [Exit, l. 

Wal. Most decidedly, my intended son-in-law is 
an ass — an ill-tempered, supercilious, conceited 
blockhead. But I fear I've engaged too far with him 
to retract. 

Sap. [Without.] Come, father-in-law. 

Wal. Coming, fopl. [Exit, l. 



6 DEAF AS A POST. [Act 1. 

Sally, Dear me, ma'am, Mr. Sappy seems a 
very stupid gentleman — I pity the young lady that 
is to be his wife ; for if I was a-going to be married 
myself, I know that 

Mrs. P. You know nothing about the matter, 
child — he's a fool to be sure, but a rich fool ; and a 
husband like Mr. Sappy is — [Bell rings, Sally 
going, l.] Now, where are you running ? Be sure 
not to let in another soul to-night for love or mo- 
ney, except those two young ladies. " The house 
is full," is the answer to all comers. 

Sally. And well may I say so, for from the par- 
lours to the garret, there isn't a corner in the house 
big enough to 

Mrs. P. Well, chatter, chatter, chatter. [Bell] 
Go see who rings. [Exit Sally, l.] That girl does 
nothing but click, clack, click, clack, from morning 
to night. 

Re-enter Sally, ushering in Sophy and Amy, l. 

Mrs. P. This way, ladies, if you please. 

Sally. This way, if you please, ladies — take care 
of the little step at the door. Will you please to sit 
down, ladies ? you've had a long journey — and 

Mrs. P. [Puts jSally aside.] Sally, will you 
please to hold your tongue ? Would you please the 
trunks to be taken up to your chamber, ladies ? 

Sophy. If you please, ma'am, as we have left 
my father, Mr. Walton below, seeing them safe 
out of the coach. 

Mrs. P. I'm glad you are arrived, ladies, that 
you may take possession of your apartment. I've 
sent away at least twenty travellers to day, and — 

Sally. Twenty, ma'am ? dear me, ma'am, you 
might say forty, and never tell a bit of a fib. I'm 
certain sure, that up to dinner time alone 

Mrs. P. Sally Mags, will you be quiet? And just 
now, as you arrived, I was obliged to turn away 
a young gentleman, who appeared so vexed. 



Scene 1.] DEAF AS A POST. 7 

Amy. [Aside.'] 'Twas he, perhaps — 

Mrs. P. Ladies, I'll step and see that your room 
is in order for your reception: [Crosses to r.] 
come, Sally— I've a great mind to fasten the door, 
and not let another soul in or out this blessed 
night. [Exeunt Sally and Mrs. P., r. 

Sophy. " 'Twas he, perhaps." Ha! ha! ha! so 
then a young gentleman cannot apply for lodging 
at an inn in Winchester, but it needs be your swain, 
Forester, whom we left in London. 

Amy. Why not? or why may it not have been 
yours, my brother, Templeton ? I am persuaded, 
that one of them has preceded us on the road — 
perhaps both. 

Sophy. So you have said before — and for no bet- 
ter reason, than, that the people of the inns where 
we stopt, treated us with more attention than the 
other travellers. 

Amy. And what attention ! Refreshments pre- 
pared, and set apart for us — a reluctance to receive 
even the ordinary remuneration which—it must be 
so, and I am convinced, that they are not far from 
us at this moment. 

Bell rings, l. Enter Sally, r., crosses, and exit, l. 

Sophy. Ay, my dear Amy, you have a shrewd 
head at guessing. Come now, guess if you can, my 
father's motive for sending me from London. Here 
is his letter; and though I've read it twenty times, I 
am unable to understand it. [Reads.] "My dear 
Sophy, I have seen the estate you told me of; it 
pleases me, and has induced me to conclude an af- 
fair, which deeply concerns you." — Deeply concerns 
me — that it is that puzzles me. — " Set off instant- 
ly for the Bell inn, Winchester, where you will find 
me. Perhaps, your friend, Miss Templeton, will 
accompany you." 

Amy. Nothing can be clearer — the affair which 
concerns you, must be marriage — the husband — O, 



8 DEAF AS A POST. [Act 1. 

my brother, Charles Templeton, of course ; and the 
estate in question, he intends to settle on you, as a 
marriage portion. 

Sophy. Very clear, indeed, except that my father 
never saw your brother in his life, and never heard 
him mentioned, I believe, but by my aunt, at whose 
house, at Bath, I first met him. 

Amy. True — I was thinking 

Sophy. More of Forester, than of your brother, 
or me, or the letter I have been reading to you. 

Enter Sally, followed by Gallop, l. 

Sally. Now, ladies, when you please, your room 
is ready. I've set every thing in order — it's a 
double bedded room, ladies — the best in the house. 
No. 19. — No. 22 is the next best — but I said to 
misses, "ma'am," says I, "I'm sure the young 
ladies who are coming" 

Gal. Well, Miss Mags, when you said your say, 
I'll say mine. 

Sally. Dear me, I forgot — here's Gallop — Gal- 
lop, ladies, trots on errands for all Winchester; and 
he came to me, and said, says he 

Gal. Will you let me do my own work, Sally. 
If you be the young ladies, as came by the coach 
from London, I've a letter for one of you. 

[Gives the letter to Amy. 

Amy. A letter without an address. Who gave 
it to you ? 

Gal. Told not to tell, miss — couldn't if I would 
— not knowing. 

Amy. [To Sophy.] But, ought we to receive it ? 

Sop.'iy. Why, it is but a letter — there can be no 
harm in a letter. 

Gal. Never fear, miss ; no harm ever com'd of a 
letter of my delivering. If I ever carry a challenge, 
it's sure never to come to a fight. 

Sally. Yes, and Gallop gets all the jobs in that 
way, ladies. 



Scene 1 ] DEAF AS A POST. 9 

Amy. Are you paid, my good man ? 

Gal. Why, miss, 4 can't say no ; but, in this world 
there are letter readers as well as letter writers, 
you know, ladies. 

Amy. There, ['Giving money.] will that content ye ? 

Gal. Bless your handsome faces ; I hope you'll 
he as well pleased with the letter as I am with the 
postage. [Exit Gallop, l. 

Amy. Let's see the contents, " Fair travellers," — 
'tis meant for both of us. " Whatever may happen, 
hear, see, and say nothing. Beware of betraying 
surprise. You'll know why, hereafter." No sig- 
nature. 

Sophy. " Hear, see, and say nothing." Do you 
know the writing ? 

Amy. No, 'tis evidently a counterfeit hand. But, 
come, I'm disposed to follow its advice, and wait 
the solution of the enigma. 

Sophy. Well, let's arrange our dress a little, after 
the journey. [To Sally.] You'll inform my father, 
Mr. Walton, that we shall be with him presently. 

Sally. 1 will, ladies. — Misses says I'm an eternal 
chatterer, — that may be, or may not be, but she 
can't say that I'm wanting in attention to the guests, 
for since here I have been, and, come Easter, it 
will be 

Sophy. Well, my dear, show us our room; and 
here's for your pains. [Gives money. 

Sally. Thank'ee, miss, thank'ee — it isn't for what 
one gets, but when any thing is given to one — that 
way, ladies, you will be waited on like princesses. 
You have only to touch the bell, or, go to the stair 
head, and call " Sally, Sally Mags," and you'll 
find me at your elbow, like magic. [Exeunt, Sophy 
and Amy, l.] Bless 'em, if either of 'em is to be 
Mrs. Sappy, I shall break my heart, as if it was 
my own case, — [Calls] — coming ladies. 

[Exit Sally, it. 
2 



10 DEAF AS A POST. [Act L 

Enter Mrs. Plumply, from Bar, r. 

Mrs. P. Well, Mr. Sappy may be as rich as 
Crcesus, but, if I ever met with so coitfplete a fool — 
ah, if either of these young ladies is doomed to be 
his wife, I pity her from the bottom of my soul. 

During this speech, Templeton enters, l. d. in flat, 
and seats himself, l. of table, with newspaper. 

Mrs. P. Bless me, who is that gentleman? Did 
he drop from the clouds ? What is it you desire ? 

Temp. No, thank'ee, ma'am; dontlighta fire on 
my account. I beg you won't put yourself in the 
least out of the way. 

Mrs. P. I suppose, sir, you wish to put up here 
for the night ? 

Temp. Oh no, he can hardly be here to-night, 
but, I dare say, he'll arrive in time to breakfast 
W T ith me, to-morrow morning. [Continues reading. 

Mrs. P. What the deuce does he mean ? Why, 
Crupper — Ostler ! 

Enter Crupper, l. d., in f. 

Who is this gentleman ? Where does he come from ? 
Is he mad ? 

Crup. No, ma'am — not mad — only, uncommonly 
thick of hearing. 

Mrs. P. But, how came he here ? 

Crup. Why, he rode into the yard, and got off 
his horse, which was a bay mare, and handed her 
to me — " Sir," says 1, " we have no room, to-night, 
neither for man nor beast." 

Mrs. P. That was right. Well — 

Crup. So his answer to that was — ha! ha! 
" Half a peck of oats, and I'll find my way to the 
house without you." Then I told him, I'd speak 
to my mistress. 

Mrs. P. Ay, speak to mistress. What did he 
say to that ? 



Scene 1.] DEAF AS A POST. 11 

Crup. He said — "Rub her down well, my lad," 
tipt me half a crown, and was off. So, I'm come 
to know what I'm to do. 

Mrs. P. Well, if there's a stall for the horse, you 
may let it remain. 

Crup. There's room for the mare, ma'am ; she's 
as fine a roadster as ever was cross' d — and, the half 
crown's a new one. [Exit Crupper, l. d. in f. 

Mrs. P. So, there he is perfectly at home. 'Tis a 
pity he should be so deaf, for he seems quite the 
gentleman. Ay, and a handsome one too. How- 
ever, I must make him understand he must go. 
[Very loud.] Sir, I'm very sorry, but, my house is 
full on account of the assizes. 

Temp. I'm sorry, too, madam, for, I fear it will 
go hard with him. His trial stands second on the 
list, I find. 

Mrs. P. I have no accommodation for you, and 
request you'll go away. 

Temp. Thank'ee, thank'ee; you are the prettiest 
landlady in all Winchester ; and while I stay in the 
town, I'll make this house my home. [Reads on. 

Mrs. P. [Clearing her throat.] Ahem! He'll never 
hear me, though I bawl myself hoarse. Well, he's a 
civil spoken gentleman, at any rate, so he'll not be 
in any one's way here' for the present, and 

Enter Sappy, l. 

Sappy. Mrs. Plumply, are we to wait all night 
for supper? I don't understand this treatment. 1 
pay my money, and I expect attention; do you 
understand that, Mrs. Plumply ? 

Mrs. P. Pray, have a little patience, sir ; I'm so 
hurried, I hardly know which way to turn. 

Sap. A great misfortune, to be sure. Ii doesn't 
bring grist to the mill. I suppose you'll be money in 
your pocket by me, won't you ? 

Mrs. P. 'Tis money hardly earned, [Aside] to 



12 DEAF AS A POST. [Act 1. 

be at the orders of such vulgar fools as this. Sally ! 
Sally !— 

Sap. So it is, he ! he ! she's making a fortune, 
and she's to be pitied, poor thing. 

Enter Sally, r. 

Mrs. P. Let Mr. Sappy's supper be served im- 
mediately. 

Sap. Come, miss, stir your stumps, and do as 
you are bid. 

Sally. Lord, sir, I can't be in two places at once, 
unless I was a bird. There isn't half so much fuss 
when one has the corporation dinner to serve. 

Sap. That's right, answer, — I can't bear to be 
answered by servants; it's impertinent, damn'd 
impertinent. I advise you, not to answer when a 
gentleman speaks to you ; I don't like it. 

Sally. I never do answer when a gentleman 
speaks to me. [Crosses l. 

Sap. Very well, very well. To-morrow it will be, 
t * please to remember the chamber-maid." You un- 
derstand. Come, go and hurry the cook. 

Sally. Oh, the idiot ! if it wasn't that misses would 
be angry, I'd put as pretty a bunch of stinging 
nettles into his bed as ever grew by a wall side. 

Exit, Sally, l. 

Sap. That girl is what I call — by the by, Mrs. 
Plumply, I don't mean to give wine at supper; so, 
if the old gentleman should call for it, you must 
send negus, by mistake — you understand, he ! he ! 

Mrs. P. I always send what is called for, sir. 

Sap. O y^u do, then what he calls for, over se- 
ven shillings a-head he may pay for; I don t stand 
et ceteras. 

Enter Sally, l. d. in f. 

Sally. Now, sir, supper is ready, and you may go 
to your friends, and show 'em the way to No. 11, 
on the first floor. 

Temp. [Rising.] " No. 11, on the first floor," 
[Aside,] and [Exit } r. d. in r. 



Scene 2.] DEAF AS A POST. 13 

Sap. That's right. Now, Mrs. Plumply, recollect 
seven shillings a-head ; but, I can't stand your whips 
and et ceteras. 

Mrs. P. Ha ! ha f ha ! 

Sap. You may laugh. By the by, do you know, 
Mrs. Plumply, you're a devilish pretty woman 1 I 
must have a kiss. 

Mrs. P. Pray, keep your distance, sir. 

Sap. Oh, the vixen ! I can tell you, though, I 
love all the pretty women I see, ha ! ha ! and they 
all love me, ha ! ha ! ha ! 

Mrs. P. Very likely ; but I don't iove all the 
pretty men I see. 

Sap. Oh ! a widow, and you don't fancy the 
human species ; — come, that's very good. Well, 1 
must join my party, and lead them to the supper 
room, No. 11, on the first floor. Remember, Mrs. 
Plumply, no et ceteras. 

[Exeunt, Sappy, l., Mrs. Plumply, r. 



SCENE II. — A Room, with a Table laid for supper in 
front. — At then., a table covered with green baize, 
and at the l., a table with writing materials. — At 
the back of the stage is a flight of six steps, leading 
to a bed-room, the window of which is seen. — 
Under the window stands a large, old-fashioned 
elbow chair. — Templeton discovered, l., sitting 
at the supper table, looking over the memorandum 
book — Sally a few paces behind him. 

Temp. My property, in Leicestershire — five thou- 
sand annuity, two thousand pounds in my banker's 
hands ; fourteen hundred which my agent owes me — 
but, he is an honest debtor, and I can afford to wait ; 
I see no reason why I should oppress him. 

Sally. There's a man ! he's as good .as he is rich. 
I suppose he's an acquaintance of Mr. Sappy's 
who has invited him to supper. 
2* 



4 DEAF AS A POST, [Act 1. 

Enter Mrs. Plumply, r. 

Mrs. P. Now, Sally, I hope every thing is right, 
or we shall have that goose, Mr. Sappy, tormenting 
us to death. But, how comes that gentleman here ? 

Sally. Hush, ma'am ! don't speak to him, listen. 

Mrs. P. Speak to him, indeed! not I ; he's as 
deaf as a post. 

Sally. Deaf! poor gentleman ! young, and rich, 
and as deaf as a post. 

Mrs. P. And how do you know that he is rich? 

Sally. Why, ma'am, he has been reading loud 
out of that little book, and, he taiks of millions, and 
thousands of millions, as I'd talk of sixpence. 

Mrs. P. But, he musn't remain here. Mr. Sappy 
has engaged this room, and when he finds 

Temp. [Shutting his book.] Waiter! 

Sally Dear me ! he bawls, for all the world like 
a deaf body. [Placing herself near him. 

Temp. Wai — so, so, my pretty maid, you are the 
waiter. At what time do we sup, my dear? 

Sally. At any time you please to order your sup- 
per, sir. You may have it in the bar, sir. 

Temp. Ha ! ha! ha! No, my dear, it wasn't that 
J said, for I see you are a pretty girl, but, 1 asked 
you when supper will be ready. [To Mrs. P.] Your 
little maid appears rather hard of hearing, ma'am. 

Mrs. P. Well, Sally, the genteman finds you 
pretty, and that's all you care he should under- 
stand. 

Sally. His eyes are better than his ears, at any 
rate. 

Enter Sappy and Sophy. Amy and Walton, l. 

Sap. This way. this way. We've a private room, 
all to ourselves, that we may be private. That is 
to say, the room we are to sup in, he ! he ! he ! 

Sophy. [To Amy.] Good heavens! 

Amy. 'T13 Templeton, hush ! 



> Apart. 



Scene 2.] DEAF AS A POST. 15 

g= ■ • ' ' ■■ « 

Wal. But who is that gentleman turning over 
his pocket book at our table ? he does not perceive 
we are here. 

[Throughout the supper scene, Sally must be 
employed in placing and removing dishes, and 
in running in and out — she may testify by her 
by-play that she is pleased and amused by 
Sappy 's sufferings. 

Sap. Ay, mistress what's your name, who is that 
strange man at my table, in my room ? 

Mrs. P. A very extraordinary person ; that's all 
I know of the matter, so I'll leave you to manage 
him, if you can. [Exit, r. 

[Walton, Sophy and Amy, take their seats at 
table. — The table is completely occupied, when 
Sappy commences his speech to Templeton. 

Sap. That's soon done, when, I say — [Going 
behind Templeton, and tapping him on the shoul- 
der.] I say, mister, this isn't a public ordinary, but 
a private room I've engaged for my private party. 

Temp. You are very good, and I thank you, sir ; 
but travellers must take things as they find them; 
besides, I cannot think of taking the head of tho 
table. 

Sap. Don't be alarmed about that, for you'll find 
neither heads nor tails for you here. You cant 
stay in my private room, so be off. This table is 
mine. [Striking it. 

Temp. What, sit there ? indeed, I am very well 
where I am. 

Sap. Very well ! ay, and the devil thank you. 
Father-in-law, I wish you'd talk to him, for I can 
do nothing with him. 

Wal. Why, don't you perceive the poor young 
gentleman is deaf ? 

Sap. Then why couldn't he say so at once ? But 
I'll soon make him listen to reason. [Bawling.] sir ! 



16 DEAF AS A POST. [Act 1. 

this is my room ; this is my table ; this is my party ; 

my father in law, and these two young ladies 

{Pointing to them. 

Temp, You are really too polite, but since you 
insist, I'll place myself between the ladies. 

[Rises — takes his own chair with him. Pushes 
Sappy on one side to r., and places himself 
between ladies, at top of table. 

Sap. [Getting- round in front to r. corner of table,] 
That's it exactly; this cover was laid for me, mis- 
ter, and [Holding out his napkin. J 

Temp. [Taking it from him.] Thank'ee, sir ; 
thank'ee. 

Sap. You'd better take all — there — plate, knife 
and fork, and all ; that will be the shortest way. 
[Thrusting them pettishly across the table to 
Templeton. 

Temp. Sir, you overwhelm me with your civili- 
ty. I cannot think of allowing you to wait on me. 

Sap. Don't flatter yourself. And where am I to 
sit ? where am I to sit ? I don't like it, and you 
may sup without me. [Walks about sulkily. 

Amy. Sir, the young man is deaf, and he appears 
to be a gentleman; you had better let him sup 
quietly, and take a seat yourself. 

Wal. Ay, ay ; come, take a place, and eat your 
supper. 

Sap. [Seating himself r. corner of table.] But, 
Mr. Walton, I don't like it; you'il allow it's disa- 
greeable, very disagreeable — Sally ; I may say 
damned disagreeable, and especially when one 
stands treat, to have the corner of a table sticking in 
one's stomach. Sally ! 

Sophy. [Rising.] Will you take my place, sir? 

Sap. No, it isn't for that, only 

Temp. Really, to compel me, who am a stranger, 
to accept the most agreeable place at table, is an 
instance of politeness, that — and the manner of do- 



Scene 2.] DEAF AS A POST. 17 

ing it — the delicacy, the — believe me, sir, I shall 
not easily forget it. 

Sap. Poh ! humbug! you've nothing to thank 
me for, if you could hear all. — Sally, a piate; but 
you might wait for me at least — he gobbles like an 
ostrich; — am I to have a plate, while there's any 
thing to eat ? 

Sally. Lord, sir, you bawl as if the house was on 
fire. What is it you want ? 

Sap. What do I want ? why, since deafy has 
taken my plate, lay me another. [Sally goes for 
one, l. table. 

Temp. This certainly is one of the best inns I 
ever put up at. 

Sap. And not dear, as you think; but you shall 
see that, my boy. 

Sally. Ha ! ha ! ha ! there's a plate, sir. 

Sap. What are you laughing at ? I've no notion 
of servants laughing. 

Sally. I am laughing to think, what haste you 
must make to overtake the rest of the company ; 
and as you are to pay 

Sap. Pay ! yes 1 know I'm to pay. I pay for my- 
self, and three ; but I'm not going to pay for a fel- 
low I never saw before, mind that. 

Wal. Shame, shame; do you imagine a gentle- 
man, as he evidently is, will allow you to pay for 
his supper? 

Temp. Here is an excellent capon ; allow me to 
help you, ladies. 

Amy. Well, Mr. Sappy, though the gentleman 
be deaf, he does the honour with infinite grace. 

Sap. That's right, praise him into the bargain. 

Temp. I beg pardon, madam, I believe you 
spoke. 

Sap. She said your conversation is very agreea^ 
ble, he .' he ! he ! 



18 DEAF AS A POST. [Act 1. 

Temp. Very, very! but it cannot last. It would 
have been more seasonable a month later. 

[Sappy looks at a piece of capon, and as he is 
about to stick his fork in it, Templeton 

takes it. 

Sap. There ! there, again ! the very bit I had set 
my heart on, and the best bit in the dish. Though 
he's deaf, hang me if he's blind. 

Sophy. Ha! ha! ha! all this ill humour about 
the wing of a capon ! 

Sap. It's the only part of the creature I'm fond 
of. 

Amy. Let me give you a leg, sir. 

Sap. Keep your legs to yourself, Miss Drum- 
sticks — [Walks away from table.] — and I stand 
treat too — he'll put me in a passion — I'm in a fe- 
ver ! — 

Wal. Come, come, sit down. 

Sap. [Sits, and bawls in Templeton' s ear.] I 
say, my man, I'd advise you to punch it. 

Temp. Punch, or any thing else you please ; you, 
perhaps, are acquainted with the taste of the ladies. 

Sap. He! he! he! that's capital! at any rate, 
you make us a little sport. 

Temp. Port be it then — a bottle of Port— good 
old Port — [Exit Sally, r.] To be placed to this 
gentleman's account, and mine. 

Sap. [Starting bolt upright.] Oh! stop, I've 
nothing to do with wine — I'm in for seven shillings 
a-head already — Port's too dear. 

Enter Sally, with a bottle of Port, which she puts 
on table, r. 

Temp. [Rising.] Sir, I stand corrected — a bottle 
of Madeira. [Exit Sally, r.] As a stranger, I 
waited for you to propose it, as you have done, and 
thank you. We have here united beauty, [Bow- 
ing to the ladies,] urbanity, [To Walton,] good 



Scene 2.] DEAF AS A POST. 19 

t • ■ ■ -« 

humour and wit ; [To Sappy,] and a glass of ge- 
nerous wine will not destroy our relish of it. 

Enter Sally, with another bottle, n. 

Sap. Mind now, Sally ; mind, deafy called for it, 
and deafy may pay for it ; I'll not drink a drop. 

Sally. It's put down to your bill, sir, and you 
may settle with the gentleman about that. 

Temp. [Fills for the ladies, Walton, and him- 
self and says to Sappy.] You'll join us, sir. 

Sap. [Fills a bumper, swallows it in a passion, 
shaking his head at Templeton.] I wish the devil 
had taken you, before ever you came here. 

Temp. Thank you, sir ; the same to you. 

Wal. May 1 inquire, sir, whether your loss of 
hearing was occasioned by an accident? 

Temp. No, sir; purposely, and on an affair of 
importance. 

Sap. He ! he ! he ! that's it — there he is again. 

Temp. Indeed, I may say, that the affair which 
has brought me down here, is one of very deep, 
and serious importance. 

Wal. O, sir, I beg pardon — I inquire no farther. 

Temp. My father! no, sir, no, it is my uncle. 
The fact is, he w T ould marry his daughter, my 
charming cousin, contrary to her inclinations — but 
my uncle is a good man, and I hope, by my inter- 
ference, to prevent this match. 

Sap. I may as well eat my supper, though. 

[Runs to the table. 

Temp. My cousin is an angel ! But the man my 
uncle intends for her husband is a blockhead ; and if 
on my arrival, the said blockhead should dispute 
the field, it is my very fixed intention to snip off 
both his ears. 

Sap. [About to drink.] You seem to make no- 
thing of snipping a man's ears of. 

Temp. [Filling a glass.] Yours, sir, with all 
my heart. 



20 DEAF AS A POST. [Act 1 

Sap. Mine! 

Temp, [Filling again.] With the greatest plea- 
sure ; I'm no fiincher ! 

Sap. [Beginning in a very low tone, and gradually 
lowering it, almost to a whisper.] If I thought you 
meant to be rude — Dam'me, sir — I'd knock you 
down, Dam'me — There, you see, ladies, I'm not 
to be put upon. 

Amy. Sophy, shall we retire ? it's late, [All rise 
except Templeton.] [Exeunt Sophy and Amy, l. 

Temp. Is supper ended ? 

Sap. Oh ! you had better begin again. But, I've 
scarcely eaten a morsel. [After a little reflection.] 
Sally ! Sally ! come quick. 

Sally. Well, sir. 

Sap. Fetch the bill, Sally — run: now, you deaf 
dog, we shall see how you'll like paying. 

[Exit Sally, r. 

Temp. [Comes forward.] Before we separate, I 
suppose, we must draw our purse strings. The 
wine, sir, is understood to be our affair. 

Sap. Our affair! your affair, if you please. You 
called for it, and you must pay for it. 

Temp. Certainly not — certainly not — it was so 
understood. This gentleman [Pointing to Walton] 
has nothing to do with it. 

Sap. [Tapping his pocket, and shaking his head.] 
I pay for the supper 1 ordered, but hang me if I 
have any thing to do with the wine. 

Temp. Well, sir, since you are so kind as to 
insist, even be it so. The next time we meet, it 
will be my turn to furnish the wine. 

Sap. What! 

Temp. Let me see, that's it. [Taking out money.] 
The traveller's supper, at half a crown a-head, and 
sixpence for the maid. There's my three shillings. 

Sap. The supper is ordered, at seven shillings 
a-head. 



Scene 2.] DEAF AS A POST. 2 } 

Temp. Formerly it was so, but every thing is 
much dearer at present, and 'tis the price all along 
the road. 

Sap. [Taking seven shillings from his pocket, 
and holding them to Templeton.] Seven shillings ! 
You can see, though you can't hear. — You are to 
pay seven shillings. 

Temp . [ With an air of astonishment.] Sir ! 

Sap. It is seven shillings you are to pay. 

Temp* How, sir, after all your attentions, insist 
on paying for my supper too ! 

Sap. I pay for your supper ! I ask ! I appeal ! — 
Oh, here's the landlady 

Enter Mrs. Plumply and Sally, with the bill, r. 

Show him the bill, Mrs. Plumply. The supper is 
ordered, at seven shillings a-head ; tell him that. 

Mrs. P. The bill, sir. 

Temp. [To Mrs. P.] Madam, this gentleman, 
after overwhelming me with civilities, insists on 
paying my share of the reckoning. 

Sap. I ! if I pay for your supper, I wish my 
supper may choke me — and I hope that's plain 
enough. 

Temp. Ay, ay, if ever we meet again, I'm to — 
I see what you mean. [Retires to table. 

Sap. Confound you, I wish you'd hear what I 
mean. 

Wal. There's paper on the table, the best way 
will be to write to him. 

Sap. Deaf as he is, who knows whether he'* 
able to read. 

Wal. Well, Mr. Sappy, begin, by showing him 
you are able to write. 

Sap. Write; that's a good one! I suppose old 
Wack'em didn't teach me running hand to Nourish 
a fish. O, Sally, talking of writing, be sure you 
3 



22 DEAF AS A POST. [Act J. 

1 ' • ■ ■ " - ■ ~ ' -^— : a 

put a sheet of paper, and a good pen, and a lighted 
candle, on the table, in my bed-room, yonder, for, 
before I go to bed, 1 mean to write word to my 
relations, that my better half is arrived, he! he! he! 
my better half, he ! be ! he ! 

[During this speech, he writes at table. 

Temp. Well, since the gentleman will not receive 
my share of the charge, there, young woman, take 
it for yourself. [Gives the money io Sally. 

Sap. Stop there a minute, stop, if you please ; 
you can read, perhaps ; here, read this, mister. 

[Gives him a paper. 

Temp. [Reads.] "To the Deaf Traveller"— 
whom do you mean, sir, by the Deaf Traveller ? — - 
Sir, I put you to your feelings, whether it be delicate 
to direct thus :— " To the Deaf Traveller ?" Sup- 
pose, now, you were the greatest fool in this town, 
would it be civil in me, to address a letter " To the 
most notorious blockhead in the city of Winches- 
ter ! ■ meaning you ? 

Sap. That's neither here nor there — read, sir, 
read. [Pointing to the paper. 

Temp. Well, "To the Deaf Traveller," if it 
must be so. 

Sap. If it is the same thing to you. 

Temp. [Reads.] " Jt is proper to tell you, you 
are not at the traveller's table " — I ask a thousand 
pardons ! had I known that [Looking at his dress.] 
"But, with a private party in my private room." 
[To Sappy.] My dear sir, had you explained that 
to me, I wouldn't have offended you by offering to 
pay ; to be invited to supper with a private party 
is a piece of civility that 

Sap. Will you go on with the letter ? 

[Lifts Templkton : s hand. 

Temp. [Reads.] " I ordered supper for four, at 
seven shillings a-head, and, because you make five, 



Scene 2.] DEAF AS A POST. 23 

and because I never pay for folks I don't know, 
and, because I don't know you, you must pay seven 
shillings for yourself. Your servant, Tristram 
Sappy." Then, after all, I am to pay. I'd rather 
it should be so ! 

Sap. I'm glad you think so — so hand over the 
stumpy. 

Temp. [Counting the money into Mrs. P's. hand] 
Seven, the supper, and seven for my half share of 
the wine. [Here Sappy makes a grimace.] There, 
ma'am, fourteen shillings. The half crown I have 
given you, you may keep, my dear. [Retires to table. 

Sally. Thank'ee, sir, thank'ee. 

Sap. There, Sally, you may thank me for getting 
you that — for, if I hadn't given you a supper here — 

Sally. Come, sir, mistress is waiting for you, to 
settle the bill. 

Sap. [Gaping.] Father-in-law, it's time for us to 
go to bed. 

Wal. [In l. corner.] You had better pay your 
bill first. 

Sap. Pay ! Why, Mrs. Plumply knows me, and — 

Wal. You've obliged the gentleman to put down 
his share at once, and you ought to pay your own. 

Mrs. P. Yes, sir, so we ought to settle the bill 
now, sir. 

Sap. Oh ! we had, eh ? [Crosses Sally to Mrs. 
P.] Well, this is the last time you see the colour of 
my money, mind that. If ever I spend another six- 
pence at the Bell — Twenty-eight shillings, isn't it ? 

Mrs. P. [Holding her hand, in whichis Temple- 
ton's money] And seven for wine, sir. 

Sap. Twenty-eight, and seven for wine— I wish 
he had been at — seven for wine. Another time, 
Mrs. Plumply, what folks call for, folks may pay 
for— Thirty-three. [Sally '^stands holding out her 
hand, as if expecting something.] Sally, my dear. 



54 DEAF AS A POST. [Act 1 

go warm my bed, up yonder — thirty-four— go and 
warm my bed, I tell you, because I like my bed 
warm'd with a brass warming-pan. 

Sally. The stingy hound \ [Exit Sally, r. 

Sap. Thirty-five — there. [Walks away with a stu- 
pid stare, and counts on his fingers J] This won't do 
often. [Exit Mrs. P. 

Wal. Mr. Sappy, will you come and have half 
an hour's chat with me in my room ? 

[Templeton rises, and comes forward. 

Sap. No, thank'ee, I hav'n't supped yet, and I'll 
amuse myself here for half an hour, he ! he ! he ! I 
sha'n't want a chambermaid to show me the way to 
my room, he ! he ! he ! [Points to the room up the 
steps. 

[Templeton bows to Walton, and, while Sappy 
is placing himself at the table, takes a 
candle from r. side table, and walks up leisure- 
ly and unperceived into Sappy's bedroom. 

Sap. Good night, father-in-law. 

Wal. Good night, son-in-law. [Crosses to r.] 
Son-in-law ! if I could but contrive to get rid of 
that plaguy fine, I'd bid the idiot good night in ear- 
nest. He marry my girl ! Deafy's worth a thousand 
of him, for a man had better want ears than brains. 

[Exit, r» 

Sap. What a goose my father-in-law is, talking 
to himself there ; he's astonished at my cleverness, 
I dare say. 

Enter Sally, with warming-pan, r." 

Temp. [Shuts the door.] Ha! [Gapes.] Now for 
a quiet night's rest. 



Scene 2.] DEAF AS A POST. . 25 

Sappy takes a leg of a fowl, and a glass of 
wine — rises from the table, and dances about 
ridiculously, humming a tune, Sally, after 
observing him for a short time, and laughing, 
taps him on the shoulder as he reseats himself. 

Sally. The deaf gentleman is just going to bed 
in your room. 

Sap. [Starts up, and comes forward, his mouth 
being so full as to prevent his speaking ; he makes 
several violent and threatening gestures. After many 
attempts, he exclaims.] The confounded — infernal — 
eternal — [He runs up the steps, threatening with his 
Jist, knocks at the door— receiving no answer, he knocks 
louder, and louder.] You are in my room, sir; come 
out of my room. 

Temp. This seems to be one of the quietest 
houses I ever was in in my life — that's a perfect 
luxury, when one is inclined to sleep, ha ! [Gapes. 
* Sap. [Knocks.] Hallo! it's my bed — if you turn 
in, you must turn out. [Knocks. 

Sally. Sir, you'll wake all the house. 

Sap. What do I care whether other people sleep 
or not, when I've nojbed to go to— I'll break the door 

down, [Knocks and kicks .] 'Tisn't wind, Mr. 

'tis 1, Mr. Sappy, kicking up a breeze ; give me my 
room, and be hanged to you. 

Enter Mrs. Plumply, r. 

Mrs. P. What's the matter here ? 

Sap. The matter is, that this everlasting deaf 
dog has block'd me out of my bed room, and I don't 
like it. 

Mrs. P. But, you mustn't disturb all the house. 

Sap. That's all one to me. 

Mrs. P. But, it isn't all one to me, sir. Sally, 
go send for a constable. 

3* 



26 DEAF AS A POST. [Actl, 

Temp. After all, I'm an unfortunate being. 

Sap. There, he's talking again. 

Temp. By day, my deafness doesn't much signify, 
but, at night, and in a strange house, too ! I have 
three hundred pounds in my pocket-book, and the 
doors in these inns may be blown open with a breath. 
J might be easily robbed in my sleep, for a thunderbolt 
falling at my side wouldn't wake me. I'll place 
my table against the door, and with this brace of 
double-barreled pistols,"! [Sappy retires from the 
steps,] loaded with slugs, — the first person that 
enters, shall have them clean through his head, were 
it as thick as the walls of Winchester gaol. 

[Sappy advances to the front of the stage. 

Mrs. P. As to a bed for you, that is out of the 
question ; but, you may take the run of the house — 
you may lie in a good arm-chair. 

Sap. I can't sleep in a chair ; it gives me the 
cramp. 

Mrs. P. There's nothing else, sir ; so, while you 
are making up your mind, 1 shall go to bed. 

Sap. Well, then. I'll try the arm-chair, Mrs. 
Plum ply. — [To Sally, who is about to remove the 
dishes.] — Stop, Sally, don't take them away to- 
night. If I wake, I shall be glad of a mouthful; 
and besides, I've paid for it. 

Mrs*. P. Poh ! poll ! I can't have my servants 
kept up all night. Sally, clear the things. " 

Sap. I shall never sleep so — [Turns the chair] 
— nor so. \Hc rises, appears lost in thought; then 
suddenly throws off his coat, and bursts out singing] 
— I have it, I have it— tol de rol ! — I have it. [He 
removes the dishes, £,-c, and places the back of the 
large chair against the heed of the table — the cushion 
cf the chair he arranges as a pillow — then blows out 
one candle. All this time he is singing and hopping 
'ilout. — He is going to extinguish the other candl , 



Scene 2.] DEAF AS A POST. 27 

when he suddenly stops.] — As deafy said, there's no 
knowing what sort of people may be in the house ; 
and I've heard of robbers who sometimes hide. — 
Oh! what's that? 

Enter Crupper, r., with boot-jack. 

Who are you? — Oh! Mr. Crupper — what's the 
matter ? 

Crup, Your honour will take off your boots ? 

Sap. No, my honour won't — 1 never do, when I 
wear shoes. That's not so bad, he ! he ! I say, 
Master Crupper— lord, what a thought ! he 1 he ! 
1 say. 

Crup. Yes, sir. 

Sap. If it wasn't for his pistols. 

Crup. Sir? 

Sap. Could you — could you, (speak softly,) he! 
he ! Could you, if it was made worth your while, 
put a troublesome fellow into a horse-pond ? 
% Crup. Not if he was very troublesome, sir ; but 
I could get a couple of stout fellows to do it for 
me. 

Sap. What an idea! [Chuckling.] Then, I tell 
you what : have 'em ready, and if you hear me call 
out fire! murder! thieves! do you only take the 
troublesome chap that's up in that room, and 
give him a good ducking ; and I'll give you — 
damn'd expensive too. 

Crup. What, sir? 

Sap, A guinea, 1 don't mind. Four times seven 
is twenty-eight. Seven, the wine, and, one pound 
one for a horse-pond. I don't like it. 

Crup. And dang me if I do it without. 

Sap. He took my place, — eat my supper, — stole 
my bed ; yes, on the word of a 'squire, I'll give it, 
when the job s done. Let me see. [Considering 



28 DEAF AS A POST. [Act 1. 

Crup. I'll not be seen in this myself; I may be 
made to pay for it ; so I'll give two of the young 
recruits in the kitchen a crown a piece. They may 
be off when the job's done, and I shall pocket- 
eleven good shillings — money down. 

Sap. Well ; revenge is sweet. But, you mustn't 
blab. 

Crup. No, I never tell tales of myself. He 
shan't know who did it. 

Sap. I shall be a-bed, you know. Pretend to 
know nothing. [ Gives a guinea.] Oh ! good, isn't it ? 

Crup. [Taking guinea.] It looks as if it wur — 
mum, your honour. [Exit Crupper, r. 

Sap. Mum ! your honour ! I like to be called 
your honour ! Dear me — I shall now be even with 
that deaf rascal. But, I must pretend to go to bed 
here ; and, when he pops into the horse-pond, I'll 
pop into my room. [Begins to arrange bed.] What 
a rage Deafy will be in — a horse-pond ! Suppose 
he should call me out. Ergo, he must get out 9 
himself first, he! he! he! that's not bad! 1 shall 
be quits with you — you'll snip off my ear! — couldn't 
stick a fork in a capon wing, but, off it flew to 
Deafy — wing, flew, that's not bad. Good night, 
you old poacher. I'll wait 'till I think he's asleep 
before I give the signal; and then, while I snore, 
they'll think me quite innocent. I look like an 
innocent, with this napkin for a nightcap. Good 
night, Deafy ; I'm afraid you'll have a wet night, 
when you're in the horse-pond — that's not bad. 
And if the w r orst comes to the worst, I can but go 
to law, and prove I did it in my own defence. 
[Lies down. During the above, Templeton comes 
down stairs softly, takes Sappy's candle, and goes 
off, l.] There, I shut my eyes ; Good night. — Eh ! 
why the, candle's gone out all of itself. I don't like 
that. This is the room they brought the dead man 



Scene 2.] DEAF AS A POST. 29 

into, that was hung for— what's that? I don't like 
being in the dark; I may see something. [Feels 
about — pushes the hair from his head — nearly falls — 
rises, and comes forward.] O Lord ! It's nothing but 
myself. I can see Deafy's light through the win- 
dow-curtains — and the door's open. Gad I'll peep — 
but, the pistols. Well, if he stirs, I'll give the signal 
directly. [Goes up, and looks in.] Nobody here ! 
he's off! — he's robbed the house. I said he was a 
thief at first — horse-pond ; dam'me, he'll be hanged. 
It's time to alarm the family, indeed — murder ! 
fire! thieves! [Goes in, bawling, room door, c. 

Enter Crupper, and two men. 

Crup. There, up there. Don't mind what he 
says — take him out — chuck him in, and be off as 
fast as your legs can carry you. [They go up into 
the room. 

Sap. Why, is the house dead? murder! fire! 
thieves ! 

Vrup. Oh, they be coming, never fear. [Exit, r. 

Sap. Why, what dy'e mean? It isn't me. 

1st Man. Yes, we be to take a troublesome fel- 
low. 

Sap. Thieves ! fire ! murder ! 

[As they carry him off. 

Enter Mr. Walton, l. Mrs. Plumply and Sallt 
Mags, with candles, r. 

Mrs. P. Why, what is the matter? 

Wal. To run off with my daughter — a villain. 
I was so sick of his thick-headed rival, that, if your 
friend had asked me fairly for her, I don't think 
but I might have consented ; but, such conduct as 
this deserves a horse-pond. 



30 DEAF AS A POST. [Act 1. 

* ■ ■ . - , • , , „ .., => 

Enter Crupper, r. 

Crup. He's got it by this time. Will you stand 

blame? \ Aside to Walton. 

Wat. No ! has he ? That I will.*" [Exit Crupper, r. 

Sappy, without, l. 
Sap. I don't like it. It's not proper — r-? 
Templeton, entering, ivith Sappy. 

Temp. Hark'ye, sir, I've generously saved you 
from the horse-pond you meant for me ; and now, 
you must either give up the lady, or answer in the 
field, for what I overheard of your very kind in- 
tentions. 

Sap. I don't like the fields. 

Wat. Where's my daughter ? 

Sap. What, arn't you deaf ? 

Temp. No, sir; but ready to answer any ques- 
tions you may choose to put. — Your daughter, sir, 
is here ; 

Enter Sophy and Amy, l. 

and, though she agreed to meet me, with her friend, 
refused her hand until you give consent. Yours, sir, 
[To Sappy,] I cannot doubt of, as you know the 
alternative. 

Sap. To tell you the truth, the lady quizzes me, 
and I don't like to be quizz'd ; and, if it wasn't for 
the fine of five hundred pounds, which I must pay 
if I refuse 

Wal. O, no ! I'll forgive the five hundred pounds, 
sooner than she shall wed^a fool; and, when Cap- 
tain Templeton proves himself worthy — - 

Temp. Sir, I'll endeavour. The permission to 
do so makes me so happy, that, since your folly, 
Mr. Sappy, has done so much more for me than 
any of my own, I'll pay your supper bill. 



Scene 2.] DEAF AS A POST. 31 

Sap. Wine, and all? 

Temp. And invite you to my wedding dinner. 

Sap, Will you, indeed ? Then, to show you I 
bear no malice, I'll sup and dine with you as often 
as you please ; and besides that — Oh ! what was I 
going to say ? — oh ! — if certain people have perceived 
any little fault in certain people's conduct, which 
have served 'em to laugh at, this evening — why — 
why, as we've made our follies as short as possible, 
I hope they'll come before long, and laugh at them 
again. 



DISPOSITION OF THE CHARACTERS AT 
THE FALL OF THE CURTAIN. 

Sally. Temp. Sophy. Sap. Mrs. P. Old Wal. 

R. H. L. H. 






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